Went to see night at the museum last night. I had hoped to take the kids to a 7-ish showing, but alas we were in north pole still at 615 and the next showing was at 640, totally not enough time to scramble in to town, get junk food, and get seated.
So we went to a 935 showing... the kids seemed tired on the way TO the movie. I had to enourage my 7 year old to stay awake. She is my morning person and doesn't seem to stay awake during movies much. But really once the movie got going, they all stayed awake and attentive.
My youngest curled up on my lap, and I had my son on the left side and my other daughter on my right side. That's the way I like it. All my kids nearby while we engage in family time, even though when we are all staring at a huge screen surrounded by complete strangers, you can't really call it quality time, but it is nice just knowing that we are together.
I did pretty good last night not thinking about being gone soon. The preview are really what throw me. I see a movie that I think "that'd be cool to take the kids to," then see when the release date is and realize we will be on opposite ends of the continent at that time :-(
Ah well, it is only 7 months and really this last year has gone by so darned fast that 7 months is only a drop in the bucket, right?

Oh yeah, as you can see, our swimming plans got changed. I had forgotten to grab a suit for my youngest from her dad's house, and well, I wasn't feeling up to par physically last night so a relaxing event just suited me better. I promised the kids that I'd try to snag them from their dad later in the week for some swim time. If he is working graves, I can't see how he'd care, he goes to work the same time swim starts AND I'll return them to his house and his wife before he gets home, or maybe he can just want to pick them up when he finishes his shift the next morning... who knows. Maybe he'll just decide that he doesn't want to be nice and say no. I hope not, for the kids' sake, but if so there is still time during this break to do fun things... AND I have planned time off in January. YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

Have a good day all, and maybe some day soon I'll regale you with tales from the gym... just as soon as I experience them :-)

I guess we are going swimming tonight. Open swimming is always a very chaotic time to swim... but maybe my little people will play amonst themselves so I can get a few laps in... you know to train for my virtual triathlon... I'm not sure how I'm going to do that... it has to be indoors and the pool at the gym is closed until January 9th, so I'll have to do my swim at one place then drive 30 minutes to another place and do the bike and run on a stationary bike and treadmill respectively.

My daughter had a choice of going out to eat (her idea) or go to a movie ( my idea, since we got a bunch of gift certificates for christmas and my award for being the employee of the month for the lab (YAY)), but somehow we ended up agreeing on just going swimming.

Maybe I'll stop by storage and get a different swim suit... mine seems to be a big too big for me right now (?) which is odd because I haven't lost any weight really... maybe it just got stretched out from the drag or something... who knows.

So happy day!

Looking forward to spring, so enjoy my new tacky color scheme!

since I can't buy a house, I'll buy a bike. Actually I'm wanting to do a triathlon while I'm in training down in texas. Of course, that is added to the long list of other things I want to do while I'm in the CONUS. I'm doing research for bikes right now. Actually I've been doing that all day long. We've definately come a long way from the good ol' huffy generic fits everyone kind of a two wheeled contraption of our youth... and the youth of others :-) since apparantly I'm not as old as I feel sometimes :-)
I have to decide if I should buy it down there while I'm away and undoubtedly will have more shops to choose from, or if I want to buy here before I go and have it shipped to me while I'm there. If I buy here, I'll have the ability to utilize a local shop and will have that shop to help me in the future when I need it. Also if I buy in the dead of the winter when everyone else is looking at snowmachines and snow shoes, skiis and skates, I'll probably get a sweet deal. And the BF gave me an awesome gift certificate so I could take it in and put it towards a good bike (YAY!) Which sounds way more productive than buying clothes, now that won't fit when I come back, or worse yet, don't spend it until I come back and risk losing it or it expiring even though there isn't an expiration date on the card. Oh dear, life just doesn't need to be this complicated, does it?
Man it is 5:15 and I sure am ready to go home, actually I was ready to just not come in at all, but I gotta show up to build my PTO bank so I can take time off with the kids in January. People think I'm silly to take time off other than their xmas break, but they're only in school from 9am to 330 pm, sooooo.... really that is just enough time to do the administration type things before I go... or even to spend time at storage to organize things better so the awesome BF can find the things I want and can send them to me :-)

So I hope everyone had an awesome xmas, I know I did.... and there are so many games at home calling me... my neice got a new pair of shoes so she'll go to the gym with me. She may be only 11 but she is taller than me and if they don't pay too much attention to her she'll pass as older and be allowed on the cardio equipment... it'll help her stay in shape for b-ball until she goes back to Minnesota... she comes from a K-12 school so the Basketball program starts a bit earlier than schools up here... and well, if an 11 year old girl is 5'6", well let her PLAY!

Dorkness OUT!

My son has a writing assignment due each week. It is coupled with his spelling packet.

This week is:

All of us have moments when we feel proud of something that we have done. Write a paragraph that describes a time when you felt proud. Tell what you did and why you were proud.

Any one want to answer that?

I wrote a reply and sent it to his teacher so he could see it.

But I'm curious to see if anyone else has something they're proud of!
Dorkness out!

The holidays are here. My mind is going a billion miles a minute trying not to forget anything.... good thing santa visited me early with a blackberry, with the promise that the box will be wrapped and under the tree on christmas morning. I've been able to put everything in the calendar, or make notes on phone calls. That is a really handy feature I'm finding lately :-)

So as of today only 7 weeks left, and I can't believe how much I still feel like I need to do, but naturally once I get home, I don't want to do any of it! How funny is that?

Have a good day everyone!
And thanks to those who gave me happy birthday wishes!

she is a girl!
of course this girl had to buy a dress, shoes, a new bra, and the nylons to make this look go together... damn halter top dress :-)
ah well, it was good times, and next time I'll find comfy dress shoes.... is there such a thing?

Had an awesome weekend so far... and I got extensions for my online classes, so that is awesome since I really don't need to fail this semester :-)

have a good one, all!

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules. Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

"These Four Walls"

Wasn't that long ago
I was skipping school with a lunchbox
Pigtails in my hair
Where did the time go
One minute I'm playing in the sandbox
How'd I get to here from there
Making lunches and folding clothes
Is not the most glamourous life I know
But I've got so much more than most

[Chorus]
I'm not famous but my kids think I'm a star
Im not rich but I've made a million memories so far
I may not be a model 
But My man thinks I could be
I may not be from royalty
But in these four walls
I'm the queen

I had it all planned 
First I'd make it big in Nashville
Then take hollywood by storm
But it was in God's hands
There were three little lives that would need me
To one day be their mom
I wouldn't trade it for anything
Those movie stars don't have everything
I know I'm right where I wanna be

[Repeat Chorus]

I had to let it go, but I have no regrets
I would have never known this kind of happiness

[Repeat Chorus]

 

Pictures!

Me running on the track... I look unhappy...










Finally I got my camera, my USB cord and my computer all in the same spot at the same time!
Yay...

If anyone objects to having pictures of themselves or their kids (my relatives) on this site, let me know and I'll remove them, but I'm going to put them up for now either way... since it is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission :-)

This is a giant roll of toilet paper, on the sink....


I thought it was hilarious since that is something you see at home, not in a hospital!

(we found out that the housekeeper had the wrong key and couldn't unlock the dispenser...
what kind of a nation are we, that we need to lock up our TP?)

This is Chris at the Halloween Carnival at his school, despite the uncanny likeness, he is not Bob the Builder.... he is a mechanic :-)

Now we have Eryn at the same carnival, dressed along with her mom, her grandma and her aunt (not pictured), ready for a slumber party! There's a bit of Desarae in the picture, too, but she has her own also.

It is crazy how much attitude a 4 year old and exude. I think it is the crown mixed with sugar consumption...

she was actually behaving quite nicely, the camera caught her in the middle of saying something.

Apparantly being a pretty princess is hard work! The flash didn't even wake her up from that very uncomfortable looking slumber in her car seat!

Monday I ran 20 minutes on the treadmill. I think I made it 1.93 miles, but I'm not positive about it. I could probably math it out

Tuesday I lifted upper body and did 50 situps
I went only 1.87 miles today in 20 minutes

I did the math: monday was only 1.58 miles... so yay I did better today.

Christmas Presents are on their way. I got an email this morning that a portion of my order had shipped. YAY!

Today is day 3 of my new found commitment to healthier eating and actually working out :-)

I had previously fallen in love with the body for life way of eating, so I'm back to that. I prefer to eat small meals throughout the day... back when I thought I was leaving soon for basic I tried to adjust my habits to the 3 squares and maybe some snacks... big mistake... and now I am leaving soon, and well, I don't care. I will work out the issues when I get there.

Yay for me, I've turned down spaghetti last night (not made to my specifications of healthy, so....) and I ate a chicken spinach salad and had a portion of a sweet potato baked in the microwave... dry... as in no butter or toppings... I actually like them like that.

I turned down an offer for a peanut butter cookie... yay me again!

---

It is slow at work today. I'll say it, I'm kinda hoping to jinx it "SLOW"... huh, nothing happened.

Ah well, the main doc is out of town again. At least he was awesome enough to fill out my letter of recommendation to nursing school before he left yesterday... which is awesome because I just gave it to him yesterday. Horray. I'm waiting for the other two letters to come in, one from his chemo nurse (one of them anyway), and the other from the manager of the Laboratory... when they look at those, do they even care who wrote them? Are they weighted by prestige? Hard telling.

I also need to register to take the nursing school entrance test (NET)... that ought to be fun! no really, I mean it.

So either way, I'm slowly ticking things off my to-do list, which is really impressive since I haven't even really made a to-do list :-)

I woke up super early and went to the gym, 20 minutes of interval training as prescribed... but I think I'll add some warm up and cool down time... I don't like to hop into things like that. Maybe there was one there and I missed it. I like the work out though... then I tanned real quick, trying to continue conditioning my skin. I think in a few more weeks I'll be able to go just twice a week to maintain until I go... I'm not trying to get super dark or anything, just enough to keep myself from burning at inopportune times.

Have a good one!

Dorkness OUT!

just testing something...ignore me

Sing along if you know the words:

"If you hate Wells Fargo, clap your hands *clap* *clap*"

Ah I just LOVE the holidays... since when, maybe I just didn't notice before, did banks say you could only spend x amount of your own money using a debit card? Then when you call them to see why you can't charge on your card they say because it is for your protection to only allow so much in charges... no they can't override it over the phone...(how does their computer know if I'm there in person or on the phone?) I called my local branch and they could override it for today only... uh okay... I guess it is better than nothing. I unerstand they need to protect themselves from shopping sprees and bounced charges and whatever, and identity theft... but yeah, I'm on the phone with ALL the right info saying, yes it is my charge, please let it go through... I'm like Sandra Bullack on "THE NET" I don't like to enteract with real people, just leave it on the doorway and I'll come out and get it when you're not looking :-)
Well obviously I'm not that bad, but I don't like pressure shopping... If I want to pay $25.00 in pennies, I WILL... of course I use the U-scan so I can be my own cashier... but whatever... I can't believe how banks handle their customers... Like I don't know that they make millions off of people like me each year (obviously not me, cuz I guarantee there isn't a million of my dollars going through there a year :-) ) so yeah, some common courtesy would be awesome!

On a happier less rant-y kind of a note: I had an awesome weekend. Thursday was a quiet night with my parents, my one sister and her daughter and myself with a giant ham and some other foods... yummy... then I made a carmel pecan cheesecake from scratch, thankyouverymuch, and then gave it to my ex-in-laws. I felt bad for them because it was just the two of them for thanksgiving dinner. Had I known that before I would have invited myself over. Quite honestly I had assumed since their son had my kids for the day that they'd be over there. I guess when his parents bought him his own house to live in... he wanted to make dinner himself... I would have invited my parents if it were me, but I guess if he were a thoughtful considerate man, we might have still been together... or not, but still I couldn't get over the inconsiderateness of it all!
I gave them the cake on Friday and thanked them for all they do for me. I appreicate them and I want them to know that... someone should thank them! :-)
Sunday was Thanksgiving the sequel... both my sisters and my regular family, a few of my parent's friends and kids came over and it was good times... not to mention S. came over and very sweetly helped me (as in did it for me and I pretty much shuffled papers as he handed them to me) clean my room. It was embarrassingly messy... and now that it is all organized and awesome, I might be able to get some homework done tonight!
It was awesome to have him in the same room as my family... it doesn't really happen on purpose, they don't really see eye to eye with me on life, so it has been kind of separate thus far. So yay! Good times!
I hope everyone else had a good time...
and I'm sad to report that in 10 weeks and a half a day (depending on when I leave on the 6th) I'll be on my way to Texas... I'm not too sure what to feel about that...
Dorkness OUT!

Solicited Harrassing

---

I think we should all gang up on the people who own the house I want to move into. It would be alright, just no violence... just annoy them a bit. I don't have the credit to buy it outright, but apparantly there are other ways to make it work. I've contacted them, by mail, certified mail, so I know they've gotten it. Of course they just got it on Monday, but still I'm impatient.

I'd love to be in a home where I can make MY rules before xmas. I don't know if it will happen or not. I don't know why somone who had a house on the very stale market for that long (at least 2 months) isn't willing to just rent it out for a measely 6-12 months... then sell it to the renter... guaranteed ontime rent also!

But ah well, I'm snobby so I'd think: if you can't afford it on your own merits then why would I let you live there? But again, I like to think the world has less mean people wandering around :-) It just sucks sometimes to hear the word "NO" so often. I know how a toddler feels. *SIGH*

So it is turkey day tomorrow... I think I'll go to the storage place and organize boxes... sounds like excitement doesn't it :-) There is actually a purpose for it. I'd like to run during the day tomorrow since I don't have any kids and I'm pretty sure we get a few hours of daylight, even if I don't see them since I'm at work for all three of those precious sun lit hours. (not really bright, still dimmish, or twilight... something like that) but if it stays above 20 below I'm all for a run outside cold (disease) or no cold.

Happy turkeys all!

More proof that the world revolves around me:
I wanted chicken noodle soup... I have a cold and it just sounded good, plus it is 40 below zero outside!

I checked the online menu for the cafeteria... okay wow! We're having chicken noodle soup today... but that isn't always 100% right... so I go and check in the cafeteria in person. And there is no soup, the whole pot is missing! Uh-oh, what a cruel world... oh wait, what is that you say, they're bringing out a fresh pot of chickeny-noodley-goodness?
Saweeet! I got two bowls, one for now and another for a few hours from now when I'll be inevitably hungry again.

Such is the woes of a girl who for some unexplained reason had gotten herself out of eating breakfast, which is quite unusual, indeed.

I have a cold. I tell myself it is "allergies" that way it will go away with a blink of an eye, rather than 7-10 days!

This past weekend, and into the present, I've been viewing my relationship a bit differently. In all honesty not much has really happened to cause this shift of view. I guess I was able to step back a bit and see things almost through another's eyes. I've picked up things that he used to do when we first got together... perhaps he's been doing them all along and I hadn't realized it. I had been so focused on negative things or what was going wrong.

Maybe it was the all night talk session that we had, or impromtu dates that seemed to just make themselves available... all of a sudden a very booked week for both of us had some cancellations at the same time! That never happens. The gods are smiling down on us, and I am very thankful for that. Times like this will need to be fresh in my mind, memories this fond will help me bear the time away from my family and loved ones. Times like this will remind me that no matter what I decide to do in life, he will be there supportive and awesome in his own ways... and it doesn't really matter if people understand what we're about or what we plan on doing in the future, or what we've done in the past. I love him, and he loves me and all else is insignificant in the big picture.

Eventually I'll get my act together and post a family picture on here... we just got them back from Sears Portraits... not my preferred place to get portraits done, but we are posting about being grateful, not gripeful!

Little doses of reality make me wonder if I could be a nurse. Today, like all other days when I'm not in the sanctity of knowledge that the end is coming, I feel as if the world isn't as rosy as it may first seem.
When I work with cancer patients, there are the greiving processes, by both the patient and the family members. They know what might happen. A young teenager who is being kept alive after a gun shot wound to the head, until they decide what to do with her organs, well that's just a bit much to swallow. My condolences to the family, regardless of the nature of her death.
Every time I work these shifts, it makes me realize that most of my problems are puny and I really need to stop whining. I have my health, even with some stuffiness and a bit of sniffles, I am very healthy. I have awesome kids, and an awesome support network that may not be there all the time, but I know they'd be there when it is really important.
So what I'm living in a place I hate, so what if I don't have strong credit and I can't go and buy whatever I want... I can't take them with me anyway. But I will always have memories of my daughter standing on a seat at a basketball game holding a small bucket of popcorn, and dancing to music... she can move to a beat and recognize a beat at the age of 4... I'm so proud of her.... I can hardly keep a beat while I practice my saxophone... and my trumpet, I can hardly hold a note :-)

I'm here at work - do not adjust your monitor, it really is saturday - I volunteered for it. And it really is only 3 hours... not even a shift really, so I can't complain, and I'm.... well, busy, so I guess I'll be back to update this tee hee!

I can't feel too badly about my running this past summer. I was going though the webpage that has a compilation of the races I ran last summer on it. I ran all of the events in our cup series. I realized that I had taken 7th out of 83 in my age group (18-29). For women overall I was 111/202.... so while most of my points were because I was one of 2 people or 1 of maybe 15 people in my age group, but so what. I was there and they weren't right? Not to say that they weren't at places like Boston, and spent the summer recovering or something... but still I say: "good show old chap!"

The movie "Flushed Away" was very good! I laughed with my kids through the whole thing! Of course if there had actually been heat in the theater we were in, it would have been even more enjoyable... 50 degrees is much too cold for me especially when it was almost -20 outside!

Huh, I thought I'd have something to say once the window opened up... I have lots to say, to lots of people, but here isn't the place for it, since the people I need to talk to don't read this (hopefully). So I guess I'm here to say have a good day, and I will leave with the knowledge that even though I had to punish my son last night, he still loves me and was happy I was at his production of "What is America" today.

I'm not a horrible mother, after all.

Have a good day...

You know, this template doesn't have an area for titles, but I've been giving them titles anyway, but not today, because it is my blog and I can honestly do what I want, now can't I? :-)

I finally got around to taking my kids to "Open Season" it was funny, and we all enjoyed it!
I got my 3500 calories burned last week, which oddly enough was difficult for me
This week it will be 3500 calories plus 900 ounces of water... again, oddly difficult since I truely enjoy drinking water

I haven't gotten my tests back from last week, but I'll go and get my mail tonight to see if I passed either one :-)

It is cold out, here, by the way last night it was supposed to get to -40 degrees, but there was snow on my car this morning and my thermometer in my car said -11 so.... I dunno... but still, I haven't been running outside, although I'd like to this weekend during daylight hours. Hopefully it won't put anyone out to hang with my daughter for a hour or so...

I hope everyone's day is good... I'm awaiting some news today, and I hope it is good not bad.... (that news has nothing to do with babies, by the way...)

Oddly enough I had dream about my ex-husband this morning, it was the last one before I got out of bed. It kind of made me wish I had just gotten up at 4am and missed it altogether.

It wasn't a bad dream, it wasn't really a good dream... it was definately a weird dream.

I was ordered by the court to move back in with him. He was still "with" his wife, because she showed up as I'm rummaging through piles of stuff, and he went outside to talk to her... It really had a tone of dutifully fulfilling a role that I was glad to give up. I didn't want to be the one holding his hand per se... in the dream I had asked what the deal was with the kids not being able to answer the phone because his wife* I used her name* didn't want to talk to bill collectors. He said something about his job not being deployed so he wasn't sure if he should pay the bills or save it, or blah, blah, blah... it didn't make any sense... so really what my role was in all of this is to take his checkbook, pay all of his bills, he had no control of his money, and specifically all my money was still my own, we had nothing together... I think it is my controlling personality coming out in my dreams. I must think that something needs to change over there and apparantly only I am capable of making that happen, like I can see what is best for him.... grocery shopping was done with his money, but then I deposited half of the bill from my money into his account... totally odd dream... thank goodness I don't have to do that.... the whole dream was really with heavy heart... we both would have rathered been with someone else... he with his wife and me with S. odd.....

Grumpy Gus

---

I was doing so well, exercising and whatnot, but last night things didn't click. I got frustrated, discouraged and I looked in the mirror... it may be my imagination but my butt looks huge. I'm sad now.

Actually right now I'm okay. I'm feeling a bit flat, but other than that, I'm not overly-emotional like I was last night.

I feel tired and cold, and I hope I'm not getting sick or something. Things have been going well, like I mentioned.

So with 4 days in a row at the gym:

I can almost pull down 120 pounds... poor form, but I can almost do it.

I can be a cardio marathoner if there is something good on the boob tube...

I just cancelled the subscription to my running coach... ah well, I was wasting both our time. He'd put the schedule together and I'd look at it, and not do it, so now I do what I want, I guess. As long as I can keep my weight down, and work towards a faster 2 miler I'm happy.

My knee is achey today... did I mention that I feel tired.

Oh right that's probably because I don't actually "work" as was pointed out to me by a co-worker of sorts... kinda hurt my feelings and kinda pissed me off, I'm a very busy girl, I deal with more patients on a daily basis than most departments... I just make it look easy and I have a knack for filling my down time. I like to sleep at night so the more I get done at work, the less I have to do at night when I could be sleeping or at the gym :-)

Thanks to my ex-fahter-in-law who went out of his way to bring me lunch... homemade chili (his mommy's recipe) and a cherry yogurt... it was a lot of chili but somehow I managed :-) its all in the pacing!

Have a good day!

Buff Girl

---

Yep, that's me Ms. Buff... not to be mistaken for the other blonde... buffy the vampire slayer... I'm kinda fond of vampires, since it is my "day" job, which really is kind of ironic because most vampires come out at night... *sigh* the beauty of living in Alaska where it is perpetually dark, even during the day :-) Oh right back to what I was saying. This past weekend was drill weekend... yay. I got no weekend, but these days of pretending I'm in the military, and I'm the only one in civilin clothes, but they set time aside for me to work out so I can be physically ready for basic... so seriously: I GET PAID TO WORK OUT.... so I'm excited about that, well who wouldn't... that is as close to being a professionl athlete I may ever get!

However, there is a guard marathon team I can try out for... I'll do that in few years.... you know, after I learn how to be fast :-)

Oh yeah, I'm still off track aren't I? I decided that I was going about the pull up idea all wrong... I don't need to do low weight, high rep for my upper body, because I don't need to do 40 pullups. I only need to do 5! So I changed it up and on the lat pull, I pulled 110 lbs... now that obviously isn't my full weight, but it is more than the wimpy 70 pounds I've been doing... so I did 2 sets of 5 of 90 pounds
1 set of 2 of 110 pounds
then on the assisted pull up machine I did:
1 set of 5 at 110 pounds
1 set 10 at 70 pounds

That may be small fry type of stuff to most, but I'm proud of myself for pushing myself.

Also I did a bunch of cardio

saturday 20 mins on the TM
35 mins on the elliptical

sunday 30 mins on the elliptical
10 mins on the recumbant bike

then add a bunch of weights and abs and pushups and lunges and stuff, yeah no wonder I'm a bit tuckered out this monday! :-)

I saw Santa Claus 3 on Saturday evening... it was cute even thought I wasn't really in a jolly mood. Stay for the outtakes people, its a Tim Allen movie, so naturally there are outtakes.

Dorkness OUT!

Apologies

---

Borrowed from Beth's Blog
Meanwhile, O, who had had an equally long and tiring day, was waiting at the track. He had just finished tutoring someone (way at the other end of Pittsburgh) and was driving straight to the track to meet me for the workout. Why in the world he would do that I'm not so sure. What I am sure of though is the fact that if the tables were turned, I would have probably been at home on the couch under a big blanket with hot cocoa! :) What I'm also sure of is the fact that nothing important in life can be accomplished without the love and support of others in your life. It's just too hard. And I won't ever believe that someone becomes successful by themselves. There are always a lot of unselfish people behind the scenes that get them there.

This is a nice display of thanking someone for going above and beyond for you. Talk of unselfish people made me realize that I am, infact a selfish person. That was made obvious last night, but really didn't sink in until this morning. So.....

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for making you worry, I'm sorry for not telling you I wasn't coming right over, I'm sorry that I'm not better at articulating when I'm upset, about what I'm upset about; I'm sorry that I turned your generosity and hospitality away. I'm sorry that I blamed you for things that couldn't possibly be your fault or even in your control. I'm sorry I didn't just say "I'm Sorry" when you first got ahold of me. I'm sorry that I didn't realize I didn't have my cell phone on me, because I would have answered it if it had been on me. I'm sorry that I approached the whole situation with indifference. I'm sorry that I got angry and defensive, then sarcastic and hurtful as the night progressed. I'm very sorry.

If I ever write a book, I will totally dedicate it to you because you cared about me enough to search the ditches for me and my car even after just 15 minutes of being missing. I'm sorry for not seeing things through your eyes. I'm also sorry I ruined your dinner, since I'm assuming it was your full plate of food on the table when I picked up our daughter. I can't say it enough and it just may be too late to make a difference any way. I'm very sorry for being a selfish jerk.

Addictions

---

Someone introduced me to Chai Tea Lattes the other day. I've only had one, but I can feel the subtle undercurrents of an addiction forming. Ever since Tuesday, I've been eyeing the coffe carts, the ones in the malls, the ones in the cafeterias, the ones on almost every street corner.... I can feel the sinful coveting of another one brewing through my veins. Someday it will overtake me and I'll spend another $2.50 for frothy flavored milk... gosh, a whole gallon of milk is something like $4 up here, and I'm paying half of that for a quarter of a cup mixed with air and cinnamon and nutmeg and I'm not sure what else... but wow, put it into perspective. Perhaps I should buy myself a little latte machine (or ask santa) and figure out how to make them myself for as little as .30cents per serving :-)

I worked out yesterday. And I was proud of myself. I thought for sure that pride would bolster me out of bed this morning, but apparantly the fatigue of PMS trapped me under my cave of blankets. Ah well, I've been sneaking off to the employee gym to do some minor lifting, specifically the chest press.... those pushups aren't going to magically appear in February.

I called the hair place that I get my hair cut, well, I will when I get it done... They were closed. I asked them to call me back so I can set up an appointment for February 3rd.... that way my hair will be super short for my "vacation" and I won't have to worry about ponytails, stray hairs on my uniform and messy hairbrushes and what not.... So much to do, where to start?

I've got midterms tomorrow so maybe I'll start with studying for them, eh?

Dorkness OUT!

Update

---

I took the beeper from the x-ray lady... then suck off to the exercise room for a run. I got 9:51 before the pager went off. I took off running to my work station, a bit sweaty, but ready to work. I'm not a slacker, just a multitasker... but my supervisor was there to give me a lunch break. Out of breath and sweaty, I walk away. I'm done running for now, but only because I'm in my work clothes and shoes... the shoes, yeah, my old running shoes, which means I probably shouldn't be running in them.

I wanted to see how long I could hold the "race pace" for my 2 mile PT standards that I want to get... turns out the treadmill doesn't go that fast. In fact, it tops out at 7.2 miles per hour. Ah well, I burned 103 calories... fat free yogurt anyone?

Ski Hill

---

Doesn't open until the 9th of November, so I have another weekend to debate if I want to spend the money for season passes.... 12 visits will pay for it... so it will be worth it IF i go at least 13 times... but still over $400 is kinda pricy... but can you really put a price on your health and your children's happiness?

Boy put it that way and I guess now I'll have to buy it :-)

Stoopid Peeplee

---

If someone says they're upset and edgy, today, don't make comments like, "You know there's like 100% chance you're going to Iraq, right?"... Oh your unit doesn't deploy... are you going to take your kids with you when you go to Italy.... well, no, Italy was an example, and quite frankly I don't have the patience to explain all of this crap to you because I'll have to do it all over again the NEXT time you come in.... and by the way I've not done anything with the Army lately because I'M NOT IN THE ARMY.... which is why I'll say, thank you and have a nice day, please get out of my chair and leave me alone so I can cope with my life right now... as I mentioned it isn't going very well, and I don't want to think about it, let alone explain it to someone who doesn't really care....

Depressing Thought

---

This weekend, I have drill. After this weekend, there are only TWO drill weekends left before I leave. Time is pressing in on me, and making it hard to breathe. Will I get everything done in time. Will I have done enough with my kids so they don't miss me terribly while I'm gone? Will they be secure in this decision? Will I be able to convince my ex-husband that everything doesn't need to be a fight, and it is okay to not change custody while I'm gone because, really, I won't be gone all that long...?

Then of course there are a billion paperwork related things to do... anyone want to volunteer to do my taxes for me while I'm gone... they're super easy I promise :-)

If I want to buy a house while I'm gone, I need to gather the paperwork that should already be neatly filed away... HAHAHAH yeah, right! Like my paystubs, last 3 years of taxes plus W-whatever-you-get-at-the-end-of-the-year's (I know it is either a W-2, or a W-4), and such....

Now my next dilemma, should I buy season passes to the ski hill. By value alone it is totally worth it, but I am only here through Januaray, basically... so is anyone going to take them while I'm gone? If they get the hang of it well enough I'm sure grandma and grandpa T. will take them, they're retired military so they have access and such... but will it justify the $425 not counting rentals? This next month of boarding will tell me if it is worth it to buy them their own gear, but GAH aren't they just going to outgrow it before next season.... that's why it isn't worth it... I'm sure my kids will grow...someday :-)

Enough out of me... Happy Halloween to all of you, keep your candy bowls stocked, us parents who get to go out in the cold for hours will need the candy, after the kids go to bed...we sort, and "examine" the questionable pieces to make sure they're safe for our kids.... :-)

Little Things

---

Its the little things that are building up right now. They're making me irritable, and I don't want to be. I figured out the proposed travel schedule for my kids to visit me. I graduate on March 23, so they can maybe fly the night of the 21st to me, then back home on the 25th. (estimated 804.40 per ticket): x 4 people, x 3 trips with the other two being May 18th, and July 13th, will be around 10,000 dollars not counting rental cars, or food, or lodging... hmmmm that sounds expensive. ah well, I will sacrifice all I have to just to see my kids. I'll keep that big dollar amount tucked neatly into the back of my head when i want to smash in my mom's... keep my cool, keep a smile on my face, and make sure people stay the fuck out of my living space! It isn't my immediate family that bugs me. It is the employee of my parents who like to drink and was in my room with my kids without me... do I think anything inappropriate would occur? No. But it is a line that doesn't need to be crossed. I want my privacy. I want my own space. I wan't others to just respect that, is that too much to ask, is that too hard?

I don't think it is...

Lights On

---

I noticed, as I was driving in the dark, on the way to work this morning, that the lights were on at the ski hill. I remember my mom telling me when we first moved here, that it was Santa's runway. Since we totally live close to North Pole, well in it actually, it was plausible piece of fun for an 8 year old.

But, now I'm itching to go and snowboard. I will probably go by myself the first time, rather sans kids, so I can get a feel for the proceedure of rentals, where everything is and how to manuver myself down the bunny hill a few times before trying to do that with 3 kids :-) I'm sure I could convince *someone* to come with me.... so I'm not completely alone, that is no fun, who will be there to laugh at me when I bite snow? And I'll have to have a photographer to capture my first time, to share with blogland!

I'm super excited to learn to do this. The only bad thing is I only get part of the winter... bummer, but when I come back from Texas, it will be only a short time before it is winter season again, just after the "Equinox Marathon vs. dork" rematch :-) You won't want to miss it!

Dorkness OUT!

I have a dream of someday owning my own home. Perhaps before we ring in the new year, I just might. I've found a home that really is what I'm looking for. It is a bit on the pricey end, for me anyway, but I've convinced S. to go in on it with me... it is so much better than his daughter being around my negative relatives, not to mention the incessant sniffles we seem to have only when we're exposed to cigarette smoke. Who would have thought that second hand smoke is bad for you. I'm especially aware of it around my "peak" training times... if you can call just being consistant a "peak" training time :-)
I do love my mom deep down, but we've never been compatible housemates. I moved out when I was 16, and was home as little as possible before that. I had a lot of extra curricular activities through the school, and friend's houses that I could hang out at.
So small doses do my mom and I wonders, we can't really stand each other for more than that. I like my space, my time, and my privacy... not like I ever do anything that requires privacy, but it is the thought. I like to know that if I put something somewhere, it will be ther when I go back to find it again, not moved by a well-meaning-tidy-upper.
So if you're spiritual, say a prayer for me, for this particular house... the big man will know which one, I'm sure... since I've been begging him for a few days now for it. I know deep down that if it was meant to be it will be, but at the same time the human-ness in me still feels the need to question authority.... even His. I don't want to jinx it so I won't post the pictures or anything. I really hope it works out. I feel like it should. Now is a good time, and it feels right.

Okay, I'm just trying to waste time before my movie starts. I'm going to see the Grudge 2.... so wish me luck on the drive home, in the dark, then sleep by myself... why do I insist on watching movies when I don't have any kids... oh yeah, because I'd rather spend time WITH the kids when I have them... ah well, I'll just have to suck it up and deal, be an adult, who can buy a house if they wanted to :-)
Dorkness OUT!
BTW don't forget the prayer, even if you pray to the football gods :-)

Smells Like Broccoli

---

For some reason it smells like broccoli in my work area. I've not eaten any, the xray lady hasn't either. I think it is a smell that is currently permeating through the hallways.

We had a health fair for employees here at the hospital. A coworker had discovered he had diabetes because of the health fair. I feel bad, he must be feeling discoraged. He wasn't his usual bouncy self, if you could call his usual self, bouncy.

Maybe we should all take a lesson from it. He isn't very old (same age as my parents, who are fairly young in their own rights), he is only barely overweight and he didn't have any symptoms. Those regular checkups folks, they're important to catch things early.

So, as I'm wagging a tootsie pop in his face, talking about how good this may be for all of us, we should all be more conscience of what we eat. I know I need to drop some weight for the military.

But still...

Now, I really want to get into my running more. I need to get started today, not tomorrow, but today. I'll bundle up my little one into her winter gear and put that jogging stroller I just had to have to good use. Even if it is just a quick 30 minutes, I need to do something.

Wish me luck. Sometime tomorrow I'll be pushing myself through a 2 mile time trial that is a week overdue for my coach to base my training paces off of. I'm hoping for around a 16:45, but I'm not in the shape that I'd like. We'll see. The goal is to get a feel for where I'm at, not where I want to be, right? I need to make this stick. I don't want to be the miserable one what everyone is waiting for to finish the O-course, because I can't get my fat butt over the wall, or something. :-)

I don't have negative self-image, not always anyway.

Sooooo.... have a good day all! Be kind to others even if they aren't kind to you.

Dorkness OUT!

What a Waste

---

I live in Alaska. And today is October 19th, and there is no snow on the groung. This is probably the most awesomest fall in the history of this region and I'm wasting it by being inside doing homework, and earning a pay check and things like that. Yes, darkness is closing in on us fast, but man, I need to get out there and enjoy this amazing running weather. (rumor has it that it is snowing lightly outside right now.) I bought running shoes last night. That was an adventure all in itself. If I weren't honest, I'd have a car-load of shoes since the store was completely unattended for a full 15 minutes before someone else came in. He was carrying a cordless phone. I asked if he worked there, and he said no....pause.... I just own the place.

I'm thinking, "you're kidding... and you left thousands of dollars of merchandise unattended." Oh well, lets move on and get some shoes. He tells me I'm wearing the wrong size shoe. He made fun of me for wearing sandals... in october in alaska... believe me it was for his benefit :-) I had been on my feet all day and well, yesterday was a stressful day, and my feet actually ached last night.... not usual for me.

I ended up with 2 pairs of shoes. One pair new balance, that I don't usually wear, but he had a buy one get one FREE sale... so yeah, I'll wear them for free... he felt the need to reassure me that nothing was wrong with the shoes, that they were "spring colors" and they're making room for the fall shoes... Nothing wrong with that! I got a shirt that was 50% off that I had picked out while I was all alone in the store... so I made out pretty good. He sold me insoles too, that he felt I needed. Of course, I'm taking advice from an old guy who reeked of cigarette smoke, and probably doesn't run unless he is being chased, so we'll see if his advice is even worth while. The other pair of shoes, are Saucony, which I had picked out, but he got a smaller size for me. :-) we'll see if my toes bruise up because my feet swell when I run... we'll just see.

So now, I have new shoes, new socks (2 pairs), and maybe a running partner. I should have sweetened the deal with new shoes for him, but really. I guess I'm selfish because it didn't even occur to me to get him a pair. Ah, well, maybe he'll forgive me, go and get fitted for the correct pair of shoes, and we can both run injury free this fall/winter.

I'm ready to start running. I want to get back into it. I can't believe that I had let it slide for so long. I guess the disappointment of the marathon has struck a fear inside of me. I'm afraid of failure a second time. I guess, I don't really have a choice because an extra day with my kids is on the line this time, not just an arbitrary number and time goal. If I can get the speed work in, I can earn an extra pass graduation weekend at basic, and that means more time with my kids. I don't want them thinking that they're not important enough for me to work my bootie off to spend time with them. However, I'm not sure if I am physically capapble of getting there. It is the pull ups that I'm stressing over. I'm running out of time... anyone else know how to build up to pull ups?

Enough of that... have a good day all! oh and to hear an awesome race report on a Boston Qualifying Race, it is worth it!

NICKELBACK LYRICS

"Someone That You're With"

I reside in 209, you're in 208
You moved in last Friday night,
and I just couldn't wait
So I tried to call across the hall,
to ask you out someday
But a lineup formed outside your door,
and I was way too late

[CHORUS]
Well I'd rather start off slow
This whole thing's like
some sort of race
Instead of winning what I want
I'm sitting here in second place

Because somewhere
the one I wanna be with's
with somebody else
Oh god, I wanna be that
someone that you're with
I wanna be that someone
that you're with
And I can talk about it all day long
'til I run out of breath
But I still wanna be that
someone that you're with
I've got to be that
someone that you're with
And I'm pacing by the phone
'Cause I hate to be alone
And if you're out there with him
somewhere and just about to kiss
God I wanna be that
someone that you're with

Well I hear your favorite songs
you sing along with everyday
And I borrow things that
I don't need for conversation sake
Last night I heard your key,
it hit your lock at 4 AM
Instead of being out with me
you must be out with them

[CHORUS]

Because somewhere the one
I wanna be with's
with somebody else
Oh god, I wanna be that
someone that you're with
I wanna be that
someone that you're with
And I can talk about it all day long
'til I run out of breath
But I still wanna be that
someone that you're with
I've got to be that
someone that you're with
And I'm pacing by the phone
'Cause I hate to be alone
And if you're out there with him
somewhere and just about to kiss
God, I wanna be that
someone that you're with

Well somewhere the one
I wanna be with's
with somebody else
Oh god, I wanna be that
someone that you're with
And I can talk about it all day long
'til I run out of breath
But I still wanna be that
someone that you're with
I've got to be that
someone that you're with
And I'm pacing by the phone
'Cause I hate to be alone
And if you're out there with him
somewhere and just about to kiss
God, I've got to be that
someone that
I wanna be that someone that
I've got to be that
someone that you're with


[Thanks to Ephram Arco Veloz (earcoveloz@hotmail.com)
for these lyrics]

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Sorry, I just dig that song.

Don't talk to me today, I probably won't have anything nice to reply with. And if I did have something nice to say, or even a question to ask, say when your son's birthday party is, and if anyone in my direct lineage needs to be present, it may come out in a way that may make you feel as if you ought to be in a concrete room, with a beat up metal table in the middle and one dangling light above your head. See where I'm going with this... I'll make you crack, you'll confess to crimes you had no idea existed, let alone that you were capable of. After the fact, you may let it sink in, You're innocent. It was me, I'm the bad guy.

I don't know why I am so angry today, I do have that feeling deep inside of me. I feel it better that no one talk to me. I feel bad for my patients this week, too. Maybe they've not noticed because they don't talk to eachother. They don't know that I've had to ask help a lot this week, that I've had to poke people more than once on one blood draw, they don't know that my confidence in myself is so shaken that I question why I get out of bed in the morning.

I do know that I feel resentment that my one night a week that I really get to hang with my kids during the week was wasted on a staff meeting that really had nothing to do with me because I don't work in the main department. There are two of us who could probably never go to those....

I also feel resentment that two nights out of my week are spent with a man who must view women as inferior and he is supposed to be teaching me. No wonder there are only two girls in this class. I wonder how many are in his other class. Do they think his sexist comments are endearing, I don't.

Perhaps I shouldn't resent getting an education. It sends negative examples to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love school, I love to learn.... I must just not like people... I find that I'm becoming more difficult to get along with and more opinionated.

My kids don't read this but,

I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!! Whole bunches, and this has to get better soon, because it is killing me to not be around you guys. I have no idea what I'll do when I have to be gone for 6 whole freaking months! Getting on that plane will be the hardest thing I've ever done, even more than watching the surgeon take away my, then 4 month old Eryn, I stood and watched the electric doors close behind her. She was all bundled up and sleeping, and I didn't want to let her go. I knew I couldn't go with her. And that was that.... we sat and waited. She eventually came back, and so will I, but the waiting, the waiting.....

So you're just going to sit there all day and eat noodles?

I hope those noodles are good.

I bought those noodles.

I love noodles.

My father used to buy me all the noodles I ever wanted.

I'd say "daddy I want some noodles," and he'd go out and buy them all for me, lots of noodles.

You know why he bought me those noodles?

Because he was a brilliant MAN!

You'll never know....

Lost

---

I'm sad to report, my red pneumatic tube is missing. Please look around and see if he is there. He is bright fire-truck red, about 14 inches in length, and has markings on him that says "Please Return to station #8"

I bet he would be happy to be home, and I would love to have him back. Please do not feed him anything. I would be perfeclty happy to get him back with a completely empty tummy.

The reward for returning this little "pet" of mine, will just have to be the warm fuzzy feeling of doing a good deed. Maybe you could take yourself out to cold stone brewery after work, er, creamery.... whatever that place is that gives you yummy ice cream....mmmmmmmmm.....

Skillz

---

I've been at work about 17 minutes. I've had 6 people ask me who does my hair... not cut, not color (cuz quite frankly, I rarely get the cut done, and I never color my hair, yet) but I braided my hair. I did it, all by myself. Who am I going to convince to come to my house at 7 am to braid my hair? For free, mind you, because I think people over charge for hair styles and such.

My two little girls got their hair trimmed... $24 each! What happened to the good ol' $5 trim?

Ah well, I went to see the Black Dalhia last night.
I'd say wait until it comes out on Showtime and seriously save money, don't even rent it. Unless lesbian soft porn is your thing :-)
Really I think it could have been better. I kept thinking it was Matt Damon in the film, but I was mistaken, but it was however, another male actor that is associated with Ben Aflek.... Remember Pearl Harbor? The best friend of "Rafe" named "Danny" yeah, it was him, and another chick in this film that played a big part... Hilary Swank... she played a bisexual girl and it reminded me of "Boys Don't Cry" a transgengered teenager who prefers to be a boy, but was born biologically a girl.... so seeing this character in "The Black Dalhia" for the first time in a lesbian bar, was kind of ironic for me...

Stereotypes

---

So I'm at the store last night, buying tampons, among other things, and I notice on the endcap of the feminine hygeine aisle, there is a wall of chocolate bars, totally on sale, super cheap. Wow, while it totally may be true that PMS and chocolate go hand in hand (for most people, not allergic to chocolate), we don't need to advertize it like that, do we?
Of course, I find it kinda humerous and strike up a conversation with another lady in the aisle about it.... who talks to other people in the tampax aisle... god, what an idiot! You go in grab whatcha need, keep your head down, your mouth shut, and put the product in the bottom of your cart or basket... and here I am talking about how funny it is that there's chocolate at the end of the aisle... the other lady says, "yeah I noticed it too, and it is really cheap!"
So yeah, leave it to me to make a PMS friend :-)
I'm currently feeling like a heffalump here.... (if you gotta ask, you'll never know).... and so I'm trying to contain myself, and keep a positive mind frame.
I've gotten a bunch of homework done so far yesterday and today, but my motivation is lagging a bit. I'm starting to stress a bit about my student loans. They really need to be in before October 13th, when my next payment of tuition is due. And they seem to be taking forever to process through.... *sigh*
Ohh October 13th is on a Friday, saweet, gonna have to play that up a bit. I wonder if I can get my kids to sit through a scary movie.... maybe if it is called "Scary Movie 4" :-)

Okay I guess I should go back to doing school work....
Dorkness OUT!

Be Careful

---

of what you wish for, you just might get it. Anyone else see Thinner? or heaven forbid, read the book? Of course there are other prime examples of this, such as the kid who puts on some basketball players shoes and all of a sudden is in the NBA at the age of 10 or something. Then we have things like the sisterhood of the travelling pants.

I don't know what got me onto this topic, other than the speeches I'm going to work on. I've scratched the first topic. I hope my teacher doesn't get crabby over that, buth oh well. Stem Cell research is my new topic. I'll have to argue against it, and since that isn't my heart held beleif, If we aren't careful with what we want out of it, we may be stretching ourselves too thin, mentally and physically. Do we really need to feel immoratality? I realize that the purpose isn't to live forever, but there are some who are ready to go. Cancer is a huge threat to many lives in today's world. It is a fact. It strikes regardless of age, sex, creed, gender, or preference of football team.

Would the research stop at just trying to keep diseases like caner from ending lives too soon? If we can fix that, then why not fix the common cold? Perhaps with some more genetic testing we can, in fact, live forever. Is that a good thing? Maybe, but what happens to our natural resources? Do we have enough space for everyone to not only live forever, but to continue to procreate? Even now, we are spanning the realm of natural "child-birthing years," through infertility processes, we've established that it is possible for women to give birth to a child after they've entered menopause, with a whole lot of hormones and in-vitro fertilization (and other methods). Some people think that waiting to have kids until the career is established is a responsible thing to do, others think that we've been programmed with x amount of years to accomplish parenthood and we shouldn't push our luck. If I were 45 when I gave birth, I'd be 63 by the time they graduated from high school. I'd be almost eligible to retire for my job. Just in time for grandbabies, if my child didn't follow in my footsteps. If they waited until they were 45 to have their first child I'd be 108, now that is a good example of why we'd need to live longer, eh?

I'm going to get some artery clogging breakfast now, I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome here on earth :-)

Have a good day!

Quote of the day from Yesterday, actually

---

"Yeah, because nothing says 'I love you' like lawn furniture..."

Thanks for that, it made me smile several times since.

Cautious or wimpy: You be the Judge

---

The marathon was this last Saturday. I got up and choked down my oatmeal. A foodstaple that is necessary for me, and goes down quite nicely on any other day, that isn't a race day. Go figure. I arrived and was met by S. we went to the store to get post-race hydration items for me. We hung out and justjen came to hang and brought her little emster (THANKS GUYS FOR COMING TO SEE ME OFF!!!!), a cannon went off before I realized it and it scared me! I remember thinking as I crossed the START line, "do I really want to do this?"

Up the hill we went, "huff puff, whew!" I really actually felt pretty good for the first 7 or 8 miles. My legs burned and we went up a very steep hill at 9 1/2 mile and I actually had to take a stop for a breather... I'm lame! But in my defense that hill is a killer, actually this marathon is termed one of the most difficult in North America, like in the top 10. It is technically a trail race with a net elevation change of 4,000 feet.

I dropped out some where between 12 and 13 miles. I ate some cookies, I cried, I knew that another 4 hours of this wouldn't be productive to me. My hip flexor had started to hurt me every time I moved my leg... well that is a lot of movement to cover another 13 plus miles. I thought it out logically, something I don't do very much, and came to the conclusion that I wasn't prepared for the distance mentally or physically, and if I didn't have basic training on the horizon, I would have pushed through the distance, consequences be damned. But a lot is riding on me going to basic. I need to go to close the gap to the next chapter of my life. I need to go to become more productive and be able to provide a bit of a better life for my kids. I wasn't in the front running of this race. It took me almost 3 1/2 hours just to make it that far... so yeah, it shouldn't have been a big deal to drop out. But anyone who is a runner or has put a lot of effort into a project or hobby, knows that having to back out last minute is very hard. As I sit here and most of my soreness has receeded, I wonder, could I have done it without really injuring myself? Was I just hitting a wall and would have gotten a second wind? The chute would have only been a few miles away, and that is down hill, I was almost to that part, but I will never know and that disappointment of never knowing if I could have will eat away at me, but with time I know that I've made the smart decision, and I know that I need to respect this race and this distance, this isn't one of those pancake flat races with a hill or two strategically placed...

Okay, I have to go draw some blood cultures... I thought I'd let you know what happened... sorry for the let down after so much suspence, I know you were checking here every 5 minutes to get the nitty gritty on it :-)

Its The End of the World

---

Or at least the end of mine... I dropped my cell phone last night on the way out of the building. It must have hit just right to sever the little microfiber thingies (my IT high tech jargon, bare with me) that connect to the flip cover of my phone. So after much frustration, I've concluded I can use my phone if I guess where I am in the menus, and dial, and put it on speaker phone. I have no function of the ear piece, the drop down menus, the camera, or the alarm/time function unless I can guess my way through. I know my phone pretty well, but I won't bank being on time to work because of it.

So, I've been mulling over what to do. I've been wanting to get a PDA to accompany my phone, but now that my phone is no longer, I was thinking I should just go ahead and get the blackberry thingie (that jargon again). That way I hav the phone and PDA all in one... and you get almost a $200 discount for the 2 year contract... but ya know.... I sign two year contracts with them each time I get my phone anyway... I've been with them since before my husband and I divorced... actually the first phone I got from them was from my husband for my birthday as I was leaving... he was trying to buy me practical things to help me when I was independant of him, but supposedly he was "fighting" the divorce... (I'm fighting this, but here is a cell phone, and a tv/vcr for your new place, but please stay) Is that mixed messages for anyone else? Yeah I thought so, too... so lets see I've been with them for 6 years maybe more, now. So yeah, I'm debating hard on whether to spend the money... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

On another note, my speech went really well, I was told that I have confidance and the prof, appreciated the humor. We'll I get humerous when I'm a bit nervous. I started off being the 4th person (out of the 5 that showed up so it wasn't exactly a big crowd), he said we could have a 3 x 5 index card.... I was the ONLY one who wrote one up... the topic was an experience that totally changed our lives, what it was like before the change, after the change and during the change, was the change for the better or for the worse. I began, "Apparantly even while talking about myself, I need a 3 x5 index card...." I ended up just getting rid of the card, it was too tempting to just look at the safety of the blue lined white thick paper, with my scrawl on it... can any one read my handwriting? Yeah, me either.... So I put the card aside and continued on with my favorite topic: MY KIDS!!!!!!!! Who can't talk for 3-5 minutes about their kids. I have no idea how long I spoke for, he didn't comment on my time. But everyone else got a comment about theirs being too short... I'll have to be sure to use the clock at the back of the room when we get to the 25 minutes speeches.... one guy has a very thick dominican republic accent, and it takes considerable amount of concentration to keep with what he is saying... no fault of his, but it will be a challenge to follow along for almost a half hour. Ah well, it will make me a better listener that way. I imagine I need practice in that arena.

The race is this Saturday... so yeah, that ought to be fun. One of the Doc's I work for, came down to get his blood drawn at the end of the day yesterday and we got to talking about the race... he had mentioned that he was doing it so it came down to me telling him that yeah, I had done it in '03 and it took almost 8 1/2 hours... he was surprised... he said you look like you could do better than that... I said yeah, but I have kids and it is difficult for me to be consistant like I want to... then he went on to talk about our "local hero" that apparantly the whole community agrees is an @$$... well, come on people he is a laywer after all ( no offense to any pre-law/ law students) but he isn't known for being a nice guy, and he shows up to win... this doc made the comment that our "hero" is 37 and should know by now that he isn't going to the olympics this lifetime and needs to give it a rest (the ego thing). I'm not sure I'd agree. this guy pulls down some good time and well, maybe he might be on an improvement still, but I don't know. It isn't for me to say what one individual can or cannot do. Quite honestly I'm rooting for the underdog, cuz, I'm usually the underdog, myself.

dorkness OUT!

I can't take it anymore, I'm gonna dive in while every one is talking and the prof is making rounds... can you even eat in a computer lab??? Hmmm I'll risk it. I've been sent to the hall by a college teacher before, I'm used to it.....

Off Task

---

I'm sitting in my CIOS class... that is computer information operation systems. It is moving kind of slow. I thought I missed something, but recovered. What are you doing, not paying attention in this class? Well we've entered the department of redundancy department :-)

It's okay, I've come to terms that some things click faster with me than some others. I also know I researched information for this class BEFORE I started it. Not all people are as geeky as me, or dare I say, DORKY???

I'm gonna learn how to design web pages? Any one else excited about it?

I'm totally hungry, I brought food, but I don't want to be the one totally munching away on my super crispy chips that I actually bought for lunch from the cafeteria, and a sandwich to go with. I only ate my yogurt and some cookies for lunch... and now, of course, I'm starving. Shall I crinkle the bag a bit so the people who don't "get-it" have to have the teacher repeat it so now they don't get it and they can't hear it... do you get IT? Isn't that a slogan for a computer technical institute or something... ohh geeky and clever, wow, what is this girl lacking? Poor manners enough to eat her freaking food! That's what she's lacking... soon they won't be able to hear over the roar of my stomach!

Equinox Marathon Bib Pick-Up

---

I went and got my race number and shirt last night. I've got a little more than a week left to make this happen. I'm getting nervous. I've let my training slip and I'm sure I'll be paying for it next Saturday.

I also got a snazzy water bottle whoo-hoo, I like new water bottles. The race shirt was an awesome blue, and moisture wicking, another whoo-hoo is in order.

My race number is 208. I immediately got a warm fuzzy feeling over this number, I couldn't explain it. I mulled it over on my way home, and didn't come up with anything. I had just a good feeling over this silly three digit number.

I was laying in bed after putting encoraging, loving notes in the kids' lunch boxes, we had done home work, baths, quick round of video games, and reading time. I still hadn't done my homework, but it hit me, the number 208 is the room number at the hospital when I gave birth to my youngest child. I've visited this room frequently after, since I work in the same hospital...

So the last childbirth, it was short, fast, and relatively painless compared to the first two... I wish I could be a prophet and say that compared to the first two marathons I started, that this third one will be quick, short and relatively painless as well. The third time is the charm, right?

Other than that, I start my communications class tonight. I've been putting that off for a very long time. I need to just bite the bullet and make it through the silly class. It is 3 hours 2 nights a week, but only through october.... so it is a shorter class... woo hooo (again!)

Have a good day all!

Buzy Little Bee

---

It has been brought to my attention, that I haven't blogged in a while... oops, sorry.

I've been a bit busy lately. I'm not sure what I've been doing that I feel that way, because I honestly don't have much to show for my efforts. I haven't been running all that much, again, there doesn't seem to be enough time.

Ah, well.

I've begun another semester of classes. I'm actually excited about it. I've finished my first Trig lesson today and faxed it off to the instructor, since it is independent study. I'm also taking a Dreamweaver class. That should be fun. I'm finally admitting my geekiness over the math and science, and now some computer science interests...

I will be back in a bit, I've got lots of work to do... at work... go figure, eh?

Dorkness OUT!

Stranger

---

Hey there! Yeah, so what's up with never posting? I dunno.

School started for the little ones. Got some grief from their dad about me changing schools, but whatcha gonna do? I got them to the school near my house since I'm living in the agreed on area in the divorce decree for the kids to attend... however that trooper sitting outside the school made my stomach clench up tight for a second. I kept looking in my rear view to see if he was going to follow me. I'm not doing anything wrong, but it seems no matter what I do with the kids I end up somehow being the "bad guy"

Enough of that, hopefully it never comes up again.

I've been going to the gym with my eldest sister... yeah I'm getting buff (hahah) we've gone like 4 or 5 times, even rented out a locker for a year... only 19 bucks so yeah that was worth it!

I've been looking like a monkey hanging around on my pull up bar... not there yet, so I do them when no one is looking. I am trying to do negatives... just the down portion of a pullup. I stand on a chair and I convince myself that I can keep my biceps contracted and hang there and take 5 seconds to get to the bottom... hahaha... I get up there release my feet and vroom... I wish I could get a car to go that fast :-) My arms go straight with the weight of my body. Ah well, Feb is a ways off yet, I just gotta keep working on it... gotta stop skiping out on the tricep day at the gym :-)

I'm offically signed up for the marathon in Sept... there is a half marathon this weekend, that I may do, it is free so I'm all for that :-) I just found out about it, and I'll be happy to have other people/support for a long run, so that is great.

Other than that the last week or so has been me trying to get homework done, and get ready for my next semester, getting the kids ready for school, hair cuts, ear piercing, shopping (my favorite pasttime...eeew), and just getting them on some sembalance of a schedule.

K off to finish my lunch, then back to homework... I did finally finish lesson 2, but I haven't gotten it back from the instructor yet... so I don't know how I did.

Dorkness OUT!

Busy, busy, doing nuthin!

---

It feels like Friday as I sit here. Then again in two consecutive sentences this morning, I told my kids that it was Friday, then Wednesday, and then they looked at me very confused-like. The truth of the matter is, I obviously have no clue as to what day it is.

I have a follow up conseling appointment tomorrow, so I'll need to leave work early, then I have Thursday off to work the Fair Gate taking tickets/canned food or whatever. That means I need to crawl through my storage unit and find the box that houses my red unit shirt that I should wear to show off our unit and community service... Helps to encourage "recruiting" into the unit. Either way I'm sure I'll have fun. I wish I could have coordinated with the girl that I enlisted with, since we seem to be becoming friends of sorts and now her hubby is angry with her because she volunteered him to work with her! Hahaha that is so funny, as an active duty member, I'm sure he gets tired of the endless supply of volunteer oportunities!

So this last weekend, my neice's soccer team made it to the semi-finals and we went to watch her on Friday night. Her team won (yay her!) So we went home and ended up staying up until midnight watching "Because of Winn-Dixie". Which was a cute movie.

Of course I had a race the next morning. It started at 10 so I was up trying to get things organized and a shower and choked down some semi-raw oatmeal... eww.

The race was pretty cool. Well the weather was warm, but I had fun. I ran some of it with a guy who helped keep my pace constant during the previous 16.5 miler. I eventually left him and another female behind to try to push it. We were going a bit too slow for me. I probably could have sung a song without too much gasping!

I came across a smallish girl. We ran/walked with me a bit behind her. She kept looking over her shoulder dodgedly... like if I was going to make a break for it she was going to track me down, because she didn't want me to pass her... I think she was 9 or 10 or something like that hard to tell these days... she had all her front teeth :-) so over 7-8 age area.

I finally offered up us to run together... we ran until we got to a shady area. She looked like she was struggling. It was so cute though because we went under an overpass and when we came out the other side she says (after a bit of pratter from her) "lets just pick people off one by one, since we're so close to the end." I say good idea... inside I'm laughing, she is so tiny and that is something my coach lays out to me in my race plans... We were going pretty fast for me... little people seem to have natural sprinting abilities. I didn't realize how close we were to the finish when I let her go. I took one more walk break, then realized I was REALLY close to being done, and sprinted in for a finish of 52:26.8. It isn't a world record or anything, but since I've made it this whole season without injury, it has allowed for a 20min 6 second PR from the last time I even was healthy enough to attempt this race which was in 2003! So that was awesome!!!!!

After the race, while still in racing clothes and sweating and red faced, I went to my neice's last soccer game, who was going to take it?!?!??!?!? The suspense is killing me too, so read on!

The game stared at 11 am ( my race started at 10)

I arrived a few minutes late, and was informed that the game had started about 5 minutes early.

I looked around at the competing team... huh, I've coached that girl, and that girl...aaaaaannnnnddddd that one over there! So three out of like 8 had at one point in time been on my team :-) neat-o.

The game was fierce and both teams wanted the win. Girl play rough, I don't care what anyone says...

At half time I ran over to the field office to drop off my soccer gear that was given to me as a coach and got the end of the season stuff from the lady... she isn't very nice but we won't go into that.

From there to the port-a-potties so I can change out of my race clothes... oh forgot to lock the door, sorry for flasing you ma'am.

Pulled up my pants without untying the draw string... dangit! I broke the draw string and wouldn't you know it, there is no elastic "back up" in these pants. I unclip the safety pins from my bib and try to cinch the pants up to make it through the game.

I rush over and watch the second half...

My neice's team took second the score was 1-0.

I gave my kids hugs and kisses and raced to the nearest store to buy a new pair of pants. I had also recently lost a pair of jeans so I was running out of options at home... I don't buy new clothes very often and both pants were pants I've had for at least 3 years, maybe more.

Then headed out to Drill Weekend on the AFB.

That was a lot of nuthing... ho hum!

I worked out after that on the elliptical and some weights

Saturday Night, I played dice with the kids before dinner, and once we were done eating, I was ready for bed. They put in a movie and I just relaxed.

Sunday more of saturday, really. Sat around at drill with not much to do, because I've not been trained on anything and it will stay that way until February or so.

After drill I went back to the gym and did more ellipticalling and weights and abs.

so... just a lot time spent, doing not a whole lot!

Dorkness OUT!

Hookey

---

I would love to be playing hookey today, not hockey with a puck, but hookey without work. My little D. will be going to Anchorage with her father, and I get to stay here and go to drill. I'm not disappointed I'll be busy this weekend, I wouldn't have gone with even if I didn't have anything. But it would be nice to just hang out with her for a day. Ah well. I've got to find a way to get out of here a bit early this evening, I have to register for the race I'm running this Saturday, a little 8K, before the game starts at 6, so there is a small time frame for me to make it happen... and the girl I am supposed to be training to take over for me isn't here... gotta love stupid-visors. I guess on one hand I do understand that positions need to be covered. On the other, what's the point of trying to train someone to replace you if they're never here to be trained? The biggest part of my job, and training challenge, will be the loyalty my patients have to me (my patients like I'm the doctor... sorry for my pompousness, but I can't help but take personal responsibility for their well being...). They are easily won over once they get used to the new person, but you have to convince them to let the new person try. So, how is that accompished if the new person is never here?

I'm not really irritated about it, but concerned might be a word to use. My day is going very smoothly though without a trainee.

Guard weekend is coming up. I can't help but be more focused on my weight as each month ticks by and I get theoretically closer to basic. I've still got to shed 5 pounds to be at weight, and more would be better for me especially if I think I'm going to be able to do some pull ups.

The marathon looms in the near future. I really need to change my thinking on this one. I will essentially need to use it as a training run, and have fun this weekend with my kids, go to the water park, and eat good food, gather crap for the start of the school year and just enjoy them. I cannot put pressure on myself for it, because I will never be where I think I should be. That is just the way of it. I need to be okay with that. I have a lot of room for improvement and it won't happen over night. So 26.2 miles is a training run, and should be fun! If it turnes into a walk, well then, I'm sure I'll have people around me still. I can walk a pretty good clip as I demonstrated Wednesday night on my sad attempt at a long run :-)

So have a good day all!

Dorkness OUT!

Odds n Ends

---

Good thing the military can't fire you for being annoying:

I emailed my 1st sgt. again today asking about WHEN I'll go to school...

Me to her -

Good Morning!
I was wondering if it had been confirmed that we would get to know our school dates this weekend, if not before? Thanks for any information you might have.

Thanks,

Her Reply -

Hi Amanda!
FY06 school dates have not been released yet .... sorry. I understand your sense of urgency! I'll see what I can find out ...... or at least if they have ANY idea when they'll be releasing dates .....

Thanks for you patience ... I know it's frustrating.....

BTW ..... Are you still doing the run this Saturday morning?

I wonder if I'm the only one bugging her about it. Maybe it seems the others were just going with the flow. No kids, no jobs, really, nothing else going on. One girl has a little girl, but her hubby is around, and they're going to have a grandparent up to help or something... but ya know. I'd just like to know :-)

So far today is a great day. I'm not letting little things bug me. It is surprisingly easy! I got hugs and kisses from all my kids this morning, two of them were unexpected as I wasn't sure if they'd be at my ex-husbands parent's house when I dropped my daughter's soccer gear off, but there they were, still sleeping on a pull out couch bed... oh so good! Can't pass up a child who is genuinely happy to see you, through their sleep groggy eyes, and will barely remember even seeing you, but your day is an infanite times better because of it! *sigh*

I guess that is all I have for now. I've postponed my long run for tonight. I wasn't feeling all that stellar still last night, and opted instead to clean, which, is better for everyone, I think :-)

Dorkness OUT!

A whole Week Gone!

---

Where did it go? I wasn't injured... I wasn't over tired or overtrained. I wasn't sick, not until Saturday, anyway. So why did I miss a whole week's worth of workouts. My watch isn't even broken. I guess I just got to the end of the day each day and realized I hadn't crossed it off my to do list. How sad... I guess I really need to buckle down and get things going the right way. I have my long run tonight. I begged to have my daughter since she is going to Anchorage with her brothers for a soccer tournament. She'll have fun camping out, I'm sure. But I didn't want to go a whole week without her. So now I get her, I've got the jogging stroller, which I've yet to even use! And I can load it up with water so hydration won't be an issue and I don't have to carry the extra weight on myself! Even better. I hope it doesn't feel too terrible pushing her around. I think it will be fine though.

I guess I had better work on my hydration level if I'm going to even contemplate attempting a run of any length.

Dorkness OUT!

Connected

---

I found out a while ago, that one of my patients works in a mortgage house. His whole job is to find ways to get people mortgage loans. I hit him up for advice today. I know I'm building up my credit scores and building a savings stash while I'm gone. He recommened getting an American Express Card. I guess that jumps your credit score 20 points automatically or something... hmmm... might have to look into that in the future.

So that is ressuring, he said to call his office and he would help me out. I'm sure they get some kind of commission, but I think I may prefer that over being just a number at Wells Fargo or some other big bank. They tout their personal customer service, but who is going to reconize me more, someone I only see every quarter when I go in for my credit check up, or the guy who comes in once a month or more, and I go after him with a needle... sorry to say, but just on dr visits alone. I leave an impression on them and a whole in their arm.

So yeah. I'm working through some gumpiness I have. Maybe I'll go hide in the employee gym for 30 minutes if I get a lunch break. I don't care if I'm sweaty for the last few hours of work. I need to do something.

Coming up

---

I'm starting to get excited about this trip. Part of me can't help but think that it is a lot of fuss for a 5 hr marathon. But it is a 6hr drive whether I run it in 2 or 18 hours... believe me I'm hoping it doesn't turn into 18!
I moved hotel reservations to a hotel that is closer, less ghetto, and still has a pool. In Alaska, in the summer, you're going to get priced gouged no matter where you stay. So if you're already spending more than you want, you might as well feel safe!
I figure if I'm 2 blocks from the start/finish then it would be easier for my sister to not have to drive me to the start, and I won't have to walk all over down town. And we'll have 4 kids with us aged 9,7,4, & 3... sleep for them is good. Grumpy kids and really put a damper on a trip.
I am also thinking a nicer hotel is possibly a quieter hotel. Further up from the ground floor, and thicker walls! That makes for a happier marathoner.
School for the kids starts the day after the Marathon, so going to a bigger town to get some of the shopping out of the way will be a way to spend time and be practical. I hear there is also a water park, but if we can swim for free at the hotel, that may be the way to go. All I care about is being able to eat the foods that will agree with me. So if we end up at Chuck E. Cheese's then NO PIZZA for me, being how the first and most plentiful ingredient seemed to be grease the last time we were there. While I'm a big fan of greasy food, we learned that I don't run very well with it. I think there is an Olive Garden down there and that may be a good idea for dinner rather than try to hit the surely-t0-be-overcrowded-pasta feed held by the race. Also we don't want to be out too late, or else I don't want to be.
All in all I've got about 20 days to go, and I'm getting a little anxious and excited and whoooo! Yeah!!!!!!!
Okay so enough from me, you all have a good day!
Dorkness OUT!

Drip Guards

---

Those handy little things that go under the coils on your stove top, so when things boil over the fluid or whatever doesn't go into your stove... it stays in this little metal thingie

Impatient

---

I seriously cannot wait until August 4-5. Why such a date would intrigue me? Well perhaps it would put an end to the if/then statements. Like IF I were to go to the October 2nd basic date, then I'd be in the November 20th Tech school, that would give me uhhhh.... lets see... 15 weeks from basic graduation to the Freescale Austin Marathon. Okay, so I would have to build mileage by x amount each week, to facilitate some kind of taper... will I be allowed to work in my long runs? I wonder how long the "long run" or road marches get in basic... probably not long enough.

Then again, what if I end up in a later date? Ah, well, I'm obviously bored. I've been using blogarithm to consolidate all the updated journals I read, so I waste less time searching for those scarce few that actually took the time to immortalize part of their every day events for the every day person to read and wonder.... is my life cooler than theirs, are they leaving out the REALLY boring stuff... you know, that they spent 45 minutes searching for that other sock after matching up all of them, only to realize that one doesn't have a mate... where could that sock have gone off to? Do they search inbetween the washer and dryer? When people move, do they actually clean the drip guards in their stoves, or just go out and buy more? I heard that if you cover them with tin foil then there is no mess to clean, just foil to throw away. If we were going to put protective covering on everything to keep from "using" it, then why have it in the first place?

I just have too much time on my hands today, I really can't explain it. The computers were up this morning, but the computer application that makes this hospital go 'round was down... so down time paperwork it is... which is quite cumbersome when you're in the lab... you have to write down ALL the tests on the little tube, along with the patients first name, last name, middle initial, their date of birth, your initials, and the time and date it was drawn. Everyone should take a field trip down to your local lab. Ask to see a tube used for blood collection. Please take your time to marvel at the amazing space they give you to write on a sticker... then ask (very politely) if you could take a moment to try to write on that cylindrical shaped tube, in microscopic fine print... it is okay the techs have microscopes if you manage to write too small! :-)

I drove around this morning, I had an extra few minutes. I tried to guess where my ex-husband is moving to with his family. I guess it is cool, if the kids finally don't have to share rooms anymore. Still I feel a bit of pang of something not nice when I think of it, so I won't think of it. Instead I'll dream of the awesome house I'll be able to buy all by myself when I come back from training. It will be exciting to know that I can do things like a big girl, all by myself, toilet paper, wiping, and flushing, mommy wow! I'm a big kid now!!!!

I guess I'll go back and read more on nutrition for active people, wait, just after I brush away the peanut butter cookie crumbs from my keyboard. I guess that is why you aren't supposed to eat over your computer... ah well.

Happy Trails, all!

Dorkness OUT!